If you want to make God laugh...

            Back in late August my wife and I made a decision to move to Colorado.  I had decided to take the year off from teaching and stay at home with our daughter Neyla.  This decision just made the most sense for our family, I worked 35 miles away from our home and Janae worked 2 el stops away (about a 7 minute train ride for you non-Chicagoans).  However, Janae’s company had just allowed her to work from home and we thought, “This means we could live anywhere.”  We knew that this job of Janae’s wasn’t going to last forever, so we thought about moving and we very quickly decided that moving to Copper Mountain, CO would be a great temporary decision.  When I say temporary, I mean to say that it would be less than a year, but there was no telling where we would be after a year. 

            We moved to Colorado in mid-September and Janae’s job wasn’t going too well.  There’s not much market anymore for the type of product Janae sells and she was beginning to become disheartened and was thinking of looking for a new job here in Colorado.  She went on interviews and looked extensively, but strangely for someone so intelligent and qualified, nothing seemed to work out.  One night Janae and I were eating dinner and she said, “I’ve tried to find a good new job, it’s not working.  You need to start looking.”  I tried to calm her down and tell her I would, but the problem is for teachers it is virtually impossible to find a job in the middle of the school year, one would need a minor miracle for this to happen.

            So…. I woke up the next morning and while drinking a cup of coffee I started on Craigslist, never expecting to find anything, but I thought I’d try.  I looked in the education, writing and non-profit sections in Denver and Boulder, but did not really find much.  There were a few ads that I responded to, but they were either part time jobs or sketchy postings.  Around this time Janae had joined me eating breakfast and drinking coffee and I notified her that me finding a job wasn’t looking too good.  Then I clicked on the Ft. Collins, CO craigslist, even though we lived about 3 hours away from there.  I had been there once during college and really liked it and thought that we could move there if they had a good job opening.  I didn’t find much, but I did find an ad for an 8^th grade teacher in “Majuro, Marshall Islands.”  I clicked on it curiously, looked at Janae and said, “Hey, here’s a job in January.  Do you want to move to the Marshall Islands?”  She asked me where that was and when I told her it was about halfway between Hawai’i and Australia she said, “that sounds amazing.”  So on Nov. 9 at about 9:00 am, I responded to the post never thinking I would ever hear back.

           

             A few hours later I received a reply to my email.  It was a quite extensive email from the K-8 principal at Majuro Cooperative School giving me all sorts of details on the available position and the school.  The principal ended the email by saying that if I was still interested I should send her a resume, cover letter and letter of recommendation.  I quickly told Janae about the email and we began getting really excited.  Ever since we had started dating one of our dreams was to live abroad together.  When I told her 2 years ago about how it’s not terribly difficult for a good teacher to find a job abroad, she said that is was something we needed to do.  We thought the chance that I would get this job would be very low, since I’ve never taught Middle School, but I took the next two hours and got all of my documents together and carefully crafted a response email.  I still didn’t think I’d have a real shot.

           

(Majuro Coop School)

         Later that day I decided to go skiing for a few hours.  When I got back I had yet another long email from the Principal, and after reading this we started to entertain the possibility that they may actually be interested in hiring me.  She sounded very positive after reading through my documents and wanted to schedule an interview via Skype ASAP.  By the end of that day we had a Skype interview scheduled and Janae and I were both extremely excited, but we didn’t want to get too excited. 

            That next weekend I was visiting friends in Chicago and had to go to a coffee shop to do the interview via Skype.  After chatting with the Principal for about an hour I knew that this was definitely something that I wanted to do and theory went from reality pretty quickly.  In theory, Janae and I always wanted to live abroad and I always wanted to teach abroad, but now it was seemingly becoming more realistic to move to this small Island nation in Micronesia.  We slowly started telling our close friends and family about this opportunity and so many people were so excited for us.  Of course, they were going to miss us and we them, but this was the opportunity of a lifetime and our close friends knew that and that we had always wanted to do this. 

            Within a few weeks we had relocated from our beloved Chicago to the mountains of Colorado and now within a few short days we had gone from thinking about where in Colorado we wanted to live and work to realizing the next year and a half of our lives could be spent in Majuro, Marshall Islands.  A week after my first Skype interview I had another Skype interview with the Principal and two other teachers with whom I would teach.  It was very casual and again I perceived it to go very well, and now we had to wait for either an offer or not. 

            

(Majuro Atoll from above, yes it's small)

            The next morning I woke to an email offering me the 8^th grade-teaching job at Majuro Cooperative School.  I was elated.  It seemed that this was something that Janae and I were destined to do.  Too many strange things had occurred over the past 3 to 4 months that seemed to conspire to this amazing outcome.  Janae had been trying now for almost 9 months to find a new job, and nothing worked out.  We went to our pediatrician and amazingly she had lived in Micronesia for 20 years and told us we would love it.  And I apply for one job via Craigslist and it works out amazingly.  The only thing Janae and I could conclude was that this job and Majuro were where we are supposed to be now.  I accepted the job and all of a sudden we were moving halfway around the world within the next 6 weeks.  Excited does not begin to describe how we felt.  This is not to say that we are not going to miss our friends and family, but we are supposed to be there.  I’m not the type of person to make plans.  I try and let things in life happen.  I love that quote, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  We live in a society hell bent on making plans and controlling things.  The problem is that when you do this you close off so many chances and opportunities that maybe you should take. 

            This opportunity has presented itself to us and we are going to latch onto it whole-heartedly.  We can’t wait to start our new life in Majuro. 

            (Marshall Islands Int'l Airport, no that's not photoshopped)

Truth is Cool...

“They say young is good and old is fine
And Truth is cool but all that matters
Is that you have your good times
But their good times come with prices”

            The Avett Brothers wrote the lyric above and it comes from a song entitled, “Ten Thousand Words.”  These brothers, Seth and Scott, are brilliant song writers and eloquent musicians.  Very few bands today write with such gravitas and play with such simplicity and soul.  I have been listening to them a lot lately as I ski and hike, and few musicians go better with the beautiful creation that I am surrounded in here in Colorado. 

            The song is musically brilliant and when they sing harmony it’s truly beautiful.  But the lyrics are where the real power of the song lies.  The above lyric is not only wise, but can sum up our current materialistic and consumerisitc culture that has little depth and substance to it.  People want to be young.  We value youth, but we don’t value the wisdom of age and we are all too scared of growing old and dying.  Fear drives us away from experiencing and valuing the things that truly matter.  Fear prevents us from living in the beauty of the moment and not worrying about past faults or a future of which we can’t yet affect. 

            Truth is cool.  People don’t hate truth, they just don’t value it.  Everything is relative or left up to the market.  Truth is not valued today, but power and wealth are.  Nobody seems to know or care what is good and true anymore and if they do know, they’re become amazing at rationalizing it.  Too many people just want to have a “good time” as the Avett Brothers say, but do not stop to think about the repercussions or the long view.  On all levels our culture tends to ignore long-term effects of our actions and we can only see through such a narrow prism of our immediate selfish wants or desires.

The simplicity of this song and its wisdom is what strikes me.  The humility at which they can write a song that pokes fun at themselves, all while sharing a brilliant message that they have clearly learnt the hard way is refreshing.  It’s a great song and this is a fantastically stripped down version of it here.  I hope you’ll watch and listen to the song and I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

            

...And I will hold on hope...

And I will hold on hope

And I won’t let you choke

On that noose around your neck

And I’ll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I’ll know my name as it’s called again

This is a bit from one of the best songs I’ve heard in the past few years.  As many of you may know it is written by the English Folk band, Mumford & Sons.  Ever since I first heard their debut single “Little Lion Man” this band’s lyrics and music have blown me away.  I was fortunate enough to see them play live in Boston 2 years ago and I can honestly say after all the concerts I’ve seen, this was the best.  Their passion for their art is infectious and their music is pure genius. 

These lyrics are from the song “The Cave.”  They are about a man who has his priorities straight.  He knows that hope can never be abandoned.  Hope is what keeps so many people going.  Without hope we have no direction, no meaning and no purpose to continue.  Not only do we all need hope, but also we need others.  We are meant to live in community with others and for others.  We weren’t meant to live lives of lonely desperation.  This man is there for his close friend and he wants her to know it.  When I hear these lyrics it moves me each and every time.  There is someone in a desperate situation and he is pleading with her not to give up and to allow him to help.  He knows that pain is a reality, but that if we so choose we can find strength in that pain and allow our character to be molded into that person we should all want to be. 

The song is incredible and I would highly encourage you to give it a listen.  It’s a beautiful song about someone going through an incredibly difficult situation.  Someone close to them is pleading with them not to give up and not to give in.  They are begging them to allow them to help alleviate the pain and suffering that they are experiencing.  This song seems to be about the human condition.  We all go through horrible times and we all need those people closest to us to get through the hurt.  He says, “I’ve been there, I know how to get out of this.  Let me help you.”  He desperately wants the Truth to be known, knowing that it will set us free.  He knows that we each have a sort of calling.  Despite that fact that we are uncertain and often scared, we must be true to who we were made to be.  He says that we need to come out of “the cave” that hides the truth from us.  We need to look at the world with empathy and compassion and see how others view the world and then we can see the bigger picture of not how things are, but how the ought to be.  None of us can do life on our own.  We all need help and “The Cave” is a brilliant song about helping those we love. 

Lately I’ve been spending time skiing along in the amazingly beautiful nature that Colorado offers and many artists have kept me company.  I have given a lot of thought to these songs while on chairlifts and I thought I’d share some of my favorites on my blog.  I hope you can enjoy this song and that is will inspire you as much as it has me.  

Are more choices better?

I love TED talks.  If you have never been to www.ted.com and been mesmerized by some of the most brilliant people in the world, then you need to visit.  This TED talk by Barry Schwartz challenges something that we take for granted in Western culture, the assumption that more choices are better.  Dr. Schwartz has done significant research on this and his simple conclusion is that more choice actually makes us feel worse.  His analogy on jeans is priceless.  I highly encourage you to watch.   

What are your thoughts on Schwartz's thesis?  I think he is really onto something here.  In theory, freedom is a great thing and we all want it.  But total freedom would be anarchy and I don't know anyone who wants that.  We all must realize that whether we like it or not our choices affect other people and all too often we simply don't believe this.  Are more choices really better?

Are we a family friendly country?

Lately I have been writing quite a lot, but can’t seem to get any of my posts to a concluding point where I would actually want to post them.  I currently have about 5 open Word documents on my computer and keep bouncing back and forth between writings on war, Nelson Mandela, Millennials, genocide and Hope.  None of them are really going anywhere, so I started writing this.  As I sit here in Copper Mountain, Colorado at a coffee shop trying to write, my little girl sits next to me in her stroller sleeping and carefree.  I have loved these past 6 months with Neyla and it has truly been a blessing not to have to work and be able to spend so much time with my wife, Janae, and our little daughter Neyla.  We took numerous walks on the beach in Chicago and countless hikes in the mountains in Colorado.  All three of us have cherished this time together and it is a shame that this is not something that is prioritized in our culture. 

            In Sweden new mothers get up to 420 days off paid at 80% of their salary and full benefits and in Denmark women get 1 year paid at 100% of their wages.  These are countries that clearly have their priorities on their families and find it important for parents to be with their newly born children.  At the other end of the spectrum is the United States that grants a pathetic 12 weeks to new mothers with no benefits, though some states to allow women to claim “disability.”  How sad is that?  There are so many reasons to be proud to be an American, but this is one area that I am ashamed at my government.  Our priorities are way out of balance.  The United States spend $711 billion each year on military spending, that is 41% of all money spent each year by governments around the world on the military expenditures.  We spend more on the military each year than the next 10 countries combined.  I’m not saying that we go the way of Costa Rica and outlaw the military, but this has gotten way out of hand. 

            Our superpower status has gone off the deep end and given us a national ego and arrogance that is extremely unhealthy.  To spend over $770 billion per year trying to find new and better ways to efficiently kill people and spending $0 on helping parents raise their children through those all important early years is a social sin if I’ve ever seen it.  We have let our wealth and power go to our head and created yearly spending that is unsustainable and ridiculous.   Everyone in our country knows that government spending has to decrease, but the problem is that nobody seems to want to cut anything.  This is not necessarily a political failure in my view, but endemic of a cultural flaw.  We are seemingly ok with the government spending what it spends on the military and corporate welfare, but the government shouldn’t help our families become stronger.  We were ok with spending $6-$8 billion a month on a War in Iraq that has had no victor and no evident reason for even fighting, but we dare not spend more money making it easier for people to support their families. 

           

(The sad truth in the USA today)

  I have given a lot of thought to this over the past 6 months.  My wife took 3 months off after giving birth to our daughter and was paid a fraction of her salary from the state of New York for “disability leave.”  Any company that does not take it upon themselves to pay for maternity leave for a new mother for at least 3 months should be ashamed of themselves.  This is exactly why we can’t leave this up to the free market, but we should have a national law, like every other developed country, that mandates that women must receive a large portion of their salary and full benefits when they go on leave.  Furthermore, if we want to be a family friendly country, then we ought to give men full paid leave as well for at least 2 months to assist while their wife/partner is recovering from a traumatic medical procedure. 

            After my experiences of the last 6 months I have no idea why the United States of America is lagging so far behind on this critical issue.  I’m not sure if there is just no political will or if it is our ridiculous reliance on the private sector and capitalism to make bad cultural and moral decisions for our country.  Why do we continue to have blind faith in a system that has created such a discrepancy in our government policies?  I’m not advocating getting rid of a free market system, but I am saying that we should make sure that our system in simpatico with our morals and ethics.  What do you think?  Should we have a national policy giving paid time off for mothers and fathers?  

Wisdom of Jesus, Confucius and Gandhi

Things just work themselves out if you let them.  A major disease in our culture is pride.  People think that their “hard work” and “effort” is to thank for their good fortune, but there are factors responsible well out of our control.  Many want to control the uncontrollable and this leads to stressful days and sleepless nights.  I attempt to avoid this as much as possible and I feel like I have been rather successful in this.  Our culture may think of me as lazy or not motivated, but in fact it is just that I realize my limitations and trust things will work out.  If there is something you can do solve a problem, then do it.  If not, then nothing you do, especially stress, will solve it.  Typically in the West it seems that people think that they and others can do a lot more than they actually can.  (This is a paraphrase of what Confucius taught)

 

            Our culture is desperately lacking in wisdom.  I teach History and my favorite quote is from historian Jakob Burkhardt, “We do not study history to be smarter next time, but to be wiser forever.”  We do not study people like Confucius, Jesus and Gandhi enough.  These men were wise.  They knew that to be human, and a good human at that, was much more significant than gold or silver. They knew the limitations of man, but also the great power that we have to collectively make this a world in which we could all hope.  These men sought wisdom and taught its values.  Our country has sadly bought into the myth that what’s in your bank account is worth more than knowledge, soul and love.  It’s not that we don’t value these things, it’s that we de-prioritize them in an effort to attain power and wealth.  I wonder what our world would look like if we could somehow rearrange the priorities in society and individuals. 

            All major changes start with individual action, but swimming against a tsunami is impossible.  We need more than just a few dedicated individuals; we need wholesale change in our communities and world.  How does that happen?  I don’t mean to sound like a total downer and cynic, but I’m not sure it can.  People have tried, with mixed results at best. 

            About 1/3 of the world and much of the West claim in one way or another to be a follower of a man who lived on Earth 2000 years ago and claimed to be God.  He was Jesus of Nazareth, I’m sure you’ve heard of him.  He lived in what we call Israel today, which at the time was controlled by the Roman Empire.  His message was wise , but it was amazingly counter-cultural for his time.  Roman culture at this time was very self-indulgent, materialistic, militaristic and proud.  Sound familiar?  He told people that they should not kill their enemies, but pray for them.  He told people that if they were hit in one cheek, they should turn the other to be hit as well.  He said it was the duty of people to care for those that needed care the most.  He said that we should look after the widows, orphaned and imprisoned.  He said that you should never worry, especially about money.  He said that we should never judge others and worry about our flawed actions first and help those who need our help. 

These are very difficult things to put into practice for any human being, but it seems the worst part is that very often we don’t even attempt to do these things.  It seems our culture and world are very much the opposite of what the wisest men ever to live actually thought our world could and should be like.  It seems that we have given up on the possibility to make our world wise and given into economic data, political infighting and unbending ideology.  The irony is that if we emphasized wisdom more in our culture, daily lives and educational systems our economy, political system and irrational beliefs would all work themselves out naturally.  One can’t solve economic problems, political crisis or seek truth without seeking wisdom first.  Our priorities are backwards and the callous way at which we treat those who are different from us shouldn’t shock us.  We love those closest to us but do not worry about those that exist far away.  We typically see them as victims of their own lack of success and fail to ever see our role in creating dictatorship, hardship and poverty across the globe. 

I’m looking for new ways and ideas to get our culture and society to reprioritize wisdom that will lead to more value on wisdom for the sake of bettering all of our situations and not lead us down the dangerous path that we have chosen of rugged individualism, which has led our society to be extraordinarily wealthy and powerful, but empty of wisdom.  Gandhi encouraged people by emphasizing individual action that would better the community.  Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”  I couldn’t possibly agree more, but how can we then swim against that tsunami of self-indulgence, pride and greed and create a more empathetic and wise society.  Any thoughts on how this change could be achieved?

            

Eventually football will vanish..?

This week a joint ESPN and PBS investigation broke the news that the NFL did seemingly have knowledge of the brain damage caused by head collisions for NFL retirees.  This comes despite the fact that the NFL has continually denied having any direct knowledge that their sport has directly caused brain injuries in former players.  It’s starting to look worse and worse for the NFL in their court cases that have been brought against them by former players, and the stories of these former players are sad and tragic.  Over 2100 former players have joined the law suit against the NFL that accuses the NFL of hiding the information they had that indicated long term brain injury and disease were linked to seemingly minor injuries suffered during games.  It may sound totally insane, but I think that Football will slowly begin to vanish and eventually be replaced as one of the major sports in America today.  The mounting evidence of horrendous brain injury, the popularity of new sports amongst youth and the desire of parents not to allow their young boys to play football will all contribute to it taking more of a minor role in the American sports landscape. 

(Deurson's friends carrying his casket)

It used to be that when a player suffered a concussion he would “suck it up” and get back in the game.  While that may have been the manly thing to do back then, it was not a good long-term decision.  The suicides of Dave Duerson and Junior Seau alone are tragic and seemingly linked to brain injury suffered from years of playing football.  Duerson was a four time Pro Bowler and played for Notre Dame and the Super Bowl Champion Chicago Bears.  After his career in the NFL he became a successful businessman until 2006.  On February 17, 2011 he shot and killed himself and notified family members that he couldn’t take it anymore and that he wished to donate his brain to medical research to examine the full extent of damage he suffered while playing football.  

Junior Seau was continually one of the most respected players in the NFL.  He was a 12 time Pro Bowler and became a San Diego sports icon while spending most of his career with the San Diego Chargers.  He started a foundation in his name to prevent child abuse and was always involved in the community in which he lived.  When he committed suicide this year at the age of 43 it stunned everyone.  His mother’s press conference was emotional and sad and immediately the city of San Diego mourned the loss of the great man.  Remember, these are only two of thousands of tragic cases of former NFL players. 

(A memorial service for Seau in San Diego) 

It is bad enough that these player and their loved ones have to suffer this, but while the NFL sits on this information, how many young boys are signing up to play a game that may have significant long-term detriment to their health?  Scientists in numerous investigations have also said that while the players have gotten bigger and stronger over the past 40 years, the safety of equipment has not kept up.  According to a study from Virginia Tech University the safest helmet is amongst the least popular and the least safe helmet is the most popular amongst college and NFL players.  The reason being that the safest is least restrictive while the least safe allows players most range of motion.  Clearly these players need to be given the new evidence on safety and hopefully they will start to make better-educated decisions on their helmets and equipment.  Although I don’t watch the NFL I do confess that I still watch college football regularly, but if this evidence gets worse and worse I may have to choose a new fall sport to follow. 

In the 21^st Century there has been major shifts in youth sports in America.  First off, more and more kids are choosing to specialize in one sport, maybe two, and play that given sport all year.  Gone is the day of the three-sport athlete in high school and with so many private teams and organizations, the landscape of junior sports is rapidly changing.  As private trainers and AAU like organizations in all sports have become more prevalent high school sports has continually been deemphasized.  All this has been done with the hope of students attaining an athletic scholarship in college.  As this has happened new sports have arisen in popularity amongst American youth.  Soccer is growing in participation faster than any other sport, but sports such as lacrosse and Field Hockey are also gaining in popularity.  In both high schools and colleges brand new sports have arisen like women’s crew and men’s volleyball. All have appealed more and more to a new generation of Americans.  With all of the new opportunities available to young people participation in football is slowly starting to decline and I believe that this trend will continue.

One of the major reasons that this will continue is simple.  Parents are starting to realize just how dangerous (short and long-term) football is and encouraging their young boys to play soccer, golf or lacrosse.  As these sports have increased in popularity, football has begun to decrease. 

Not only in youth sports, but the increase in popularity in sports such as soccer and golf are reflected in TV ratings and professional sports.  Soccer is more popular than ever in America with ESPN broadcasting the World Cup, the Euro Cup, Premier League, Champions League and even the weak MLS.  Golf has experienced the “Tiger Effect” with its boom in popularity since the late 90’s with Tiger Woods’s explosion into the game and now the PGA TOUR is playing for record purses with virtually every tournament having a $1 million dollar first prize. 

I’m sure many people will think I’m crazy with the popularity and profits of the NFL and the accompanying popularity of fantasy football, but I think it is clear that in time football will cease to be the dominant sport in America and I think fall out of the top 4 most popular sports.  Anything that dies amongst younger generations will in turn begin to lose popularity, just as we’ve seen in baseball.  I will personally miss college football if the sport goes away, but if it is truly is as dangerous as many believe it is, then maybe it’d be a good thing for American society to embrace new sports.  

Tigger knows it's the Little Things in Life that Matter Most!

It seems that people all too often lose perspective and get pre-occupied by things that don’t matter, all the while missing the little moments everyday that truly make life worth living.  I think we all need to be reminded now and then that the little things are usually the most important, don’t let them pass by unnoticed.  I came to this realization today as I was waiting for my baby daughter to fall asleep for her morning nap and I found myself getting minorly frustrated. It was way past her naptime and she wouldn’t sleep.  I quickly thought how stupid this was and decided I should play with her and have fun with her rather than letting frustration settle in simply because she wasn’t tired when I thought she should be. 

We should never forget how the little moments could change people’s lives.  I adored the book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  Randy got it.  The two things I always remember from his inspirational book were:

1.     Never value things over people.  They’re just things that can be replaced.

2.     Everyday you have the choice whether you want to be a Tigger or an Eeyore.

We should remember these tips daily.  Never in word or action prioritize an inanimate object over a person who may need you.  You can wash your car later; go have that conversation that that friend needs to have.  You can vacuum or paint later; go spend that extra 30 minutes playing with your kid.  Make people feel valued, but more than that, actually value the people in your life.

I love his analogy using Winnie the Pooh characters.  If you didn’t already know, Tigger is upbeat, positive and people love being around him.  Eeyore on the other hand is pessimistic, negative and people try to stay away from him.  Each day we can be negative or attempt to view all we can in as positive light as possible and uplift those around us. 

Unfortunately, it seems our society sometimes gets our perspective and priorities messed up a bit.  Those are two things that we should daily re-evaluate in ourselves.  How do we view things?  Do we have an appropriate amount of empathy for others and realize its not all about us or are we self centered and proud?

As for our priorities, are we really honest with what they are?  Do our actions reflect what we truly want to be the most important to us? 

It seems we get too caught up in the quick pace of life and don’t slow down enough to breathe, appreciate, enjoy and truly appreciate those who surround us.  I know I need this reminder a lot and I hope you find a way to remind yourself that the little things in life are often times the most important.  

Is she a goddess or just a girl?

Most parents hope for “10 fingers and 10 ten toes” when their child is born; however, Shambhu and Poonam Tatama had a daughter, Lakshmi, on New Years Eve 2005 who was born with 4 arms and 4 legs and thought to be a prominent Hindu goddess.  Medically the explanation was that she was born with a conjoined twin at the hips and that twin failed to properly develop and was born without a head; therefore giving the appearance of one girl with 8 limbs. 

(Lakshmi before her surgery)

This is such a fascinating story for so many reasons.  First, many people in her tiny village in Bihar, India were convinced she was a human manifestation of a goddess.  Her parents, especially her dad, were and still are convinced of this.  Second, when there was an offer from Indian doctors to do a separation surgery for free this was such a complicated surgery that had never successfully occurred in India.  Third, medically this was extremely rare to see conjoined twins, let alone one that was essentially acting as a parasite upon the other.  Add to this the fact that people were furious that such a surgery would even be attempted upon a goddess.  Lakshmi’s mother, Poonam, was foremost concerned with her daughter’s happiness and convinced her husband that the surgery was the right thing to do. 

This must have been a heart wrenching decision for the parents to make.  They really believed that their daughter was the goddess Lakshmi and if you believed your daughter was goddess then I can’t imagine you would want to alter the exact parts of her that cement this belief in so many people’s minds.  However, the humanity of Lakshmi ultimately confronted her parents as her one working kidney was not functioning properly, she suffered constant fevers, couldn’t walk or crawl properly and had abnormal blood flow that would eventually cause her heart problems.  Given this medical diagnosis from the doctors, Lakshmi’s parents did what many parents would do. 

The community around Lakshmi’s hometown was very upset with the parent’s choice to do the surgery.  Indian media forced their way into Lakshmi’s life and ended any hope of privacy that the Tatama family could’ve hoped for.  She became an immediate celebrity throughout the country.  Many devout Hindu’s were amazing by her 8 limbs and believed she was a goddess.  Other more secular Indians were equally amazed, but for different reasons. 

Nobody knew what to expect when Lakshmi went into surgery, even the doctors.  It was a laborious 24-hour surgery and to many people’s surprise it was successful!  Lakshmi’s parasitic twin was removed from her and her legs reconstructed so that someday she could actually walk. 

(Lakshmi after her surgery)

To me and many in the West it seems it is a happy story of a girls struggle overcome by the amazing potential of modern medicine, but in India many viewed it differently.  India is a country of roughly 1 billion people that has made amazing economic progress over the past decade.  In many ways the country is divided into the modern, educated, secular and urban vs. the rural, uneducated, religious and impoverished.  Those in the cities of India saw this as a modern scientific achievement that made them proud of India’s technological advancement over the past half a century.  In rural areas it was seen as sacrilegious to mess with such a clearly divine being and those who did will surely pay, maybe not now, but in their next life. 

For 3000 years Hinduism has been the bedrock of Indian society.  The Caste System created a society based upon inequality and social mobility was impossible.  After independence in 1948 the Caste System was abolished and “equality” was legislated.  In the cities the Caste System is beginning to fade away with the influx of an Industrially and scientifically advanced society, but in rural areas the old ways persist.  Nobody really knows what the future for India holds and although they are the largest democracy in the world and have experienced amazing economic growth, poverty and tradition still persist in the rural areas.  The story of Lakshmi shows just how far India has come, but also just how divided it is.  The great father of the Indian nation, Mahatma Gandhi, never wanted to see an Industrialized India, but hoped for a self-sufficient country.  I wonder what the great Mahatma would have thought of both Lakshmi and of modern India…

Women are Perfect...

Almost 6 months ago my little daughter, Neyla, was born.  We had decided to find out early whether it would be a boy or a girl and of course it was a girl.  My wife was “secretly” hoping for a girl, but I wasn’t sure.  I didn’t really care, it’s that old cliché that as long as they have 10 fingers and 10 toes I’d be happy, but when I found out it was a girl that really made me think. 

I thought about what it meant to have a daughter and to be a good father to her.  I wondered what it would be like for a girl to grow up in the early 21^st century.  And I was thankful that as a woman she would be growing up when and where she was. 

Throughout history no group has been treated with more disrespect and inequality than women.  They make up roughly half of the world’s population, always have and always will, yet until the last century they were not allowed to vote, own property, hold office or inherit wealth in most parts of the world.  Until recently a woman only had four roles that mattered; daughter, sister, wife and mother.  Not to say that those are four unimportant roles, but to be strictly limited to that by society is stifling at best.  The progress attained by and for women over the last century has been astounding, but more is still to be done. 

Only a generation or two ago very little was expected of a woman outside of the limitations of the aforementioned 4 roles even after much legal and political equality had been attained.  Women were not necessarily expected to go to college or earn a descent wage, much of that was implicitly still left up to men.  The rub here is that as more and more equality has been achieved, the expectations upon women have increased exponentially and this has always made me concerned for my female students and now I share that concern for my daughter as she grows older. 

Young women are now still expected to be exceptional at those 4 roles (I’d argue much more than men), but now you can add to those already sky high requirements the high expectations to be exceptional students, have a certain body type, graduate from a great college, have an outstanding job and provide for their families.  The irony of this is that while equality for women has increased over the past century, the expectations upon women have only gotten greater and weigh women down more, all while the expectations upon men have changed very little.  Heart disease among women is at an all time high.  Eating disorders and depression are higher than ever amongst young women and in my opinion these can be traced directly to these added expectations. 

The truly amazing aspect of all of this is that while the weight bared by women has increased so greatly, they outperform men academically, graduate more often from college and on average have greater professional success quicker.  Again an appalling irony exists here in that women are still paid 33% less than a man for similar jobs. 

Men are all too ignorant to the situation of women in our current American society.  Typically men just see women as having achieved total equality, and although there is some truth to that, men do not see the added pressure, but even add to it with their inability to respect women in the professional and personal realm. 

I am not arguing that all men are disrespectful towards women, but all too many objectify women in their personal relationships and the statistics on pornography are truly disturbing in that this industry is responsible for more objectification of women than any other industry in the world. 

When will women truly attain equality in our society?  This won’t happen until we all realize that we are not there yet and that women are truly remarkable in ability to balance all of these weighing expectations that American society has placed upon them.  Then and only then will I feel truly secure in “letting go” of my daughter.  I feel like it is going to be so much work (in a good way) for my wife and I to raise our daughter with a less sense of weight and stress on her and more of a sense of personal identity and proud to be the woman that she is to be. 

I remember a line from one of my favorite films entitled, “With Honors.”  At one point Joe Pesci, who plays a homeless man living on the Harvard campus states, “Women are perfect… Don’t matter if they’re skinny, blond or blue.  If a woman is willing to give you her love it’s the greatest gift in the world.”  Women may not be perfect, but they certainly amaze me.  

Why I don't want to be successful...

It seems that our society is more stressed out, fearful and polarized than it ought to be.  Let’s be honest, there was no “good ol’ days.”  There was no time that was perfect or even that much better than our current time, but there was a time when it seems people appreciated the little things more and took more time to live.  Businesses used to be closed on Sundays, employers used to leave their employees alone at home and people were able to enjoy time away from work.  Today it seems that so many people are caught in jobs they do not enjoy with not enough time to create positive thriving relationships with those around them.  People are too busy and lose their perspective way too easily.  I know too many people who didn’t know quite what they were getting into when they accepted a job out of college and now they just can’t find a way to really do what they once wanted to. 

I see three main problems in America today.  First, many people are underemployed.  In other words, they take a job out of necessity that they are way over qualified for or can only find part time work when full time is desired.  Second, many people find jobs that pay an exorbitant amount of money and get trapped in a luxurious lifestyle that they can’t escape, despite their apathy toward their job.  Third, some people don’t care what the job is they just want a lot of money.  I know many who have to take a job to make ends meet, that’s not a bad thing, that’s a responsible thing, but when you chase a major in college or a particular career purely for the end of a high salary, that’s a problem. 

All three situations are all too prevalent in modern day America.  I would argue that these issues in our culture stem from 3 major problems in our society.

1.     The corporatization of our society.

2.     The love of money over people.

3.     Rugged individualism.

The corporatization of our society has occurred for several reasons, but the largest reason is that we are an incredibly consumeristic and materialistic society.  This comes from having a capitalist system that puts value on capital.  People implicitly start to value people based on what they’re worth or what they can do for them.  This has eroded the value we place on people intrinsically.  Furthermore, people used to have a blind trust in the government and while that has eroded due to Nixon and Vietnam, people have seemed to turn that blind trust over to corporations.  Consumers often turn a blind eye to who makes their products and under what conditions and focus on a cheap quality product rather than the ethics or morals behind it.  The markets reward corporations with investment without looking at how they provide for their employees.  Our society has turned away from government and social involvement and given our blind obedience to Nike, Starbucks, Gap and Apple.  The only positive in this is that some of these companies have been forced by a minority of consumers to think twice about how they treat their employees, give better benefits and support more altruistic charities. 

The love of money over people can be seen throughout our culture, in many “media” outlets, films, reality shows, certainly on Wall Street and even in too many Churches.  Much of this message is given to people, especially young kids, implicitly and skews our perspective in a way that puts value on things and not people.  In the inspiring book, “The Last Lecture” written by a cancer patient dying of cancer one of Randy Pausch’s dying lessons to his children was to value people over things.  Our culture emphasizes youth and vitality over wisdom and gravitas and therefore we see too much an emphasis on fashion, elective surgery and appearing a certain way.  All of these contribute to putting style over substance and this leads a society down a consumeristic road rather than one focused on those people within it.

Finally, rugged individualism.  Ayn Rand is one of the foremost philosophers on this, the irony is most Americans have never heard of her, but her cultural values are ingrained in our culture.  Study after study shows that amongst the developed nations of the Earth, America works the most hours, is least happy and has the smallest communal attitude.  In most of these studies there is a clear correlation between happiness, less work hours, more family time and a more communal society.  The Economist has run multiple articles on the new “science of happiness” and which countries are the happiest.  I, like many, am quite skeptical about scientifically determining happiness, but The Economists articles are quite convincing and well researched.  They find Scandinavian countries are the happiest and that the USA and ironically China are quite unhappy, despite China’s recent economic boom this has not correlated to happiness.  The problem being that as a society material success has been put ahead of leading a significant life that impacts others for the positive. 

In America today it is popular to make fun of Europeans, their governments and their lifestyle, but it seems to me they are light years ahead of our society that gives fewer holidays and no mandatory parental leave for new parents.  America is lacking on finding a work life balance and while the problems are clear to me, the solutions aren’t.  I laid out three problems above, but what sort of solutions are there?

To me the solutions are also threefold:

1.     Recreate our public education system from K-12.

2.     Emphasize living significant lives rather than successful lives.

3.     Stress a balance between individual rights and community goals. 

Within our education system we have all kinds of great schools and amazing teachers, but we also have unforgiveable inequality and complacency.  These are two major problems facing America today, but there is seeming little political or public will to change these.  First off, inequality.  Jonathon Kozol wrote an eye opening book entitled, Savage Inequalities, in 1991 where he pointed out cases of public schools within the same state that were quite different.  One school was dirty, worn down, crowded classrooms and ancient textbooks; while the other had state of the art technology, amazing cleanliness and plenty of room in class.  He wondered, as do I, how could this be in America today?  The answer of course is the way that we fund schools.  Typically it is done locally via property taxes, which sets up a grossly inequitable system.  The rich areas and neighborhoods have magnificent schools and the poor, well you get it.  We need to rethink the way that we fund schools, but also be willing to embrace dramatic new trends in education.  We have so many antiquated systems in our schools.  The way we grade, assign homework, have kids responding to bells, and more were set up for an agrarian and industrial society where children were either being prepared for the factory or the farm.  This is not the case anymore in modern America.  Our children need to be prepared for a small, global and highly technological world where quick and creative thinking will be valued.  Education funding and design must be rethought if America is to stay a world leader in the 21^st century.

All too often I believe we erroneously encourage our children to pursue success rather than leading significant lives.  This is not semantics.  Success is in pursuit of an individualistic or materialistic measureable goal.  The irony here is that the goal posts of success are always being moved by society and ourselves; therefore, it’s almost unattainable.  There’s never enough for a person driven by success.  There is always a faster car, bigger home or better job.  Significance on the other hand is totally about other people.  It is about using your gifts, talents and riches for the betterment of others.  You can do almost anything in a significant way in fact.  The point is not what you choose to major in or career path you choose, but it’s about why you have chosen that and what you intend to do.  People who chase success never find joy and contentment, but people who find significance are full of jubilation. 

Balance is key to these ideas truly taking hold in our country.  A balance needs to be struck between individual rights and truly valuing those in our community and country.  Our individual rights ought never be given up, but we also need to realize that I am not just an I, we are a we.  It’s not just about me, if it was the rest of you wouldn’t be here.  A fundamental assumption underlying all of this that is very difficult to refute is that we are social beings meant to live with one another.  Anything done alone is not nearly as sweet as sharing it with a loved family member or friend.  Therefore, we need to have value for each and every person and realize that not everyone is like me.  Our understanding of each other is critical for our society to continue this amazing experiment called America that no other people have ever endeavored upon.  America has always changed and will continue to evolve in time, but our society is all too angry, stressed, scared and polarized to keep this experiment alive. 

I think that being aware of the problems in our society is clearly first and foremost before we can solve them.  But every problem also comes with a solution.  They’re not always easy, but then again the things most worth anything in life aren’t easy.  

Colorado livin'...

As many of you may know, my wife, daughter and I recently moved to Copper Mountain, Colorado and that move was rather spontaneous.  We thought that someday we’d move out here, but never imagined it would be so soon and that we’d leave our beloved Chicago.  We hoped this would be a great place to raise our daughter with all of the outdoor activities and the more laid back culture.  So far, we absolutely love it.  The natural beauty of the mountains is breath taking.  The ability to get lost in nature either on a hike or while skiing is ever prevalent and it is a change we adore.  The people are incredibly warm and welcoming, where every time that I go running people I don’t even know wave and smile at me.  I know that’s a rather small gesture, but it’s a nice one.  We may still be in the honeymoon stage and who knows what the future will bring, but for now, our move to Colorado has been a positive change

. 

A few weeks ago the three of us went on a hike from Breckenridge and it was truly majestic.  When we hike with Neyla, we strap her onto my by using a Bjorn and she loves it.  Usually she’ll sleep, but when she doesn’t she sings.  It’s really hilarious; she will just stare at the nature around us and starting inaudibly singing.  She loves being outside as do my wife and I.  On this particular hike all three of us were truly mesmerized by the nature and solitude around us.  I had never experienced anything like it and it made me understand the 19^th Century Romantics much better.  It reminded me of a quote I saw here not too long ago, “I’d rather be outdoors thinking about God in creation, than in a building locked away from it.”  It’s so true, the miraculous nature of the mountains truly does inspire one to think about God and the world in different ways. 

We have this image of Neyla growing up hiking, horseback riding, golfing and skiing; and not playing video games and texting her life away.  We hope she is as inspired by the creation around us as we are.  This may be really naive, only time will tell, but we feel it will be much easier to balance technology in our lives living here with this sort of culture.  

Yesterday Colorado voted to legalize marijuana in our state.  Many people would argue and have argued that this has made Colorado a worse place to raise children.  I disagree.  I don’t smoke marijuana, never have and probably never will, but this shows the progressive nature of our state.  It makes an amazing amount of political and economic sense to do this.  The amount of money our state wastes on arresting and prosecuting people who smoke a plant that is less harmful and dangerous than alcohol and tobacco makes no sense.  Furthermore, the black market for this drug has empowered terrorists all over the globe and allowed drug cartels in Mexico to wreak havoc south of the border and in many border states.  In no way do I support the legalization of other illegal drugs, but it is finally time that we rethink our broken policy on drugs in America and the consequences of those policies. 

I know that raising a child is never easy and there will continually be challenges, but we love this challenge so much and we love Neyla.  We made a difficult decision to move to Colorado, but we believe that this opportunity came up for a reason and we can’t wait to find out what it is.