Tigger knows it's the Little Things in Life that Matter Most!

It seems that people all too often lose perspective and get pre-occupied by things that don’t matter, all the while missing the little moments everyday that truly make life worth living.  I think we all need to be reminded now and then that the little things are usually the most important, don’t let them pass by unnoticed.  I came to this realization today as I was waiting for my baby daughter to fall asleep for her morning nap and I found myself getting minorly frustrated. It was way past her naptime and she wouldn’t sleep.  I quickly thought how stupid this was and decided I should play with her and have fun with her rather than letting frustration settle in simply because she wasn’t tired when I thought she should be. 

We should never forget how the little moments could change people’s lives.  I adored the book, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  Randy got it.  The two things I always remember from his inspirational book were:

1.     Never value things over people.  They’re just things that can be replaced.

2.     Everyday you have the choice whether you want to be a Tigger or an Eeyore.

We should remember these tips daily.  Never in word or action prioritize an inanimate object over a person who may need you.  You can wash your car later; go have that conversation that that friend needs to have.  You can vacuum or paint later; go spend that extra 30 minutes playing with your kid.  Make people feel valued, but more than that, actually value the people in your life.

I love his analogy using Winnie the Pooh characters.  If you didn’t already know, Tigger is upbeat, positive and people love being around him.  Eeyore on the other hand is pessimistic, negative and people try to stay away from him.  Each day we can be negative or attempt to view all we can in as positive light as possible and uplift those around us. 

Unfortunately, it seems our society sometimes gets our perspective and priorities messed up a bit.  Those are two things that we should daily re-evaluate in ourselves.  How do we view things?  Do we have an appropriate amount of empathy for others and realize its not all about us or are we self centered and proud?

As for our priorities, are we really honest with what they are?  Do our actions reflect what we truly want to be the most important to us? 

It seems we get too caught up in the quick pace of life and don’t slow down enough to breathe, appreciate, enjoy and truly appreciate those who surround us.  I know I need this reminder a lot and I hope you find a way to remind yourself that the little things in life are often times the most important.  

Is she a goddess or just a girl?

Most parents hope for “10 fingers and 10 ten toes” when their child is born; however, Shambhu and Poonam Tatama had a daughter, Lakshmi, on New Years Eve 2005 who was born with 4 arms and 4 legs and thought to be a prominent Hindu goddess.  Medically the explanation was that she was born with a conjoined twin at the hips and that twin failed to properly develop and was born without a head; therefore giving the appearance of one girl with 8 limbs. 

(Lakshmi before her surgery)

This is such a fascinating story for so many reasons.  First, many people in her tiny village in Bihar, India were convinced she was a human manifestation of a goddess.  Her parents, especially her dad, were and still are convinced of this.  Second, when there was an offer from Indian doctors to do a separation surgery for free this was such a complicated surgery that had never successfully occurred in India.  Third, medically this was extremely rare to see conjoined twins, let alone one that was essentially acting as a parasite upon the other.  Add to this the fact that people were furious that such a surgery would even be attempted upon a goddess.  Lakshmi’s mother, Poonam, was foremost concerned with her daughter’s happiness and convinced her husband that the surgery was the right thing to do. 

This must have been a heart wrenching decision for the parents to make.  They really believed that their daughter was the goddess Lakshmi and if you believed your daughter was goddess then I can’t imagine you would want to alter the exact parts of her that cement this belief in so many people’s minds.  However, the humanity of Lakshmi ultimately confronted her parents as her one working kidney was not functioning properly, she suffered constant fevers, couldn’t walk or crawl properly and had abnormal blood flow that would eventually cause her heart problems.  Given this medical diagnosis from the doctors, Lakshmi’s parents did what many parents would do. 

The community around Lakshmi’s hometown was very upset with the parent’s choice to do the surgery.  Indian media forced their way into Lakshmi’s life and ended any hope of privacy that the Tatama family could’ve hoped for.  She became an immediate celebrity throughout the country.  Many devout Hindu’s were amazing by her 8 limbs and believed she was a goddess.  Other more secular Indians were equally amazed, but for different reasons. 

Nobody knew what to expect when Lakshmi went into surgery, even the doctors.  It was a laborious 24-hour surgery and to many people’s surprise it was successful!  Lakshmi’s parasitic twin was removed from her and her legs reconstructed so that someday she could actually walk. 

(Lakshmi after her surgery)

To me and many in the West it seems it is a happy story of a girls struggle overcome by the amazing potential of modern medicine, but in India many viewed it differently.  India is a country of roughly 1 billion people that has made amazing economic progress over the past decade.  In many ways the country is divided into the modern, educated, secular and urban vs. the rural, uneducated, religious and impoverished.  Those in the cities of India saw this as a modern scientific achievement that made them proud of India’s technological advancement over the past half a century.  In rural areas it was seen as sacrilegious to mess with such a clearly divine being and those who did will surely pay, maybe not now, but in their next life. 

For 3000 years Hinduism has been the bedrock of Indian society.  The Caste System created a society based upon inequality and social mobility was impossible.  After independence in 1948 the Caste System was abolished and “equality” was legislated.  In the cities the Caste System is beginning to fade away with the influx of an Industrially and scientifically advanced society, but in rural areas the old ways persist.  Nobody really knows what the future for India holds and although they are the largest democracy in the world and have experienced amazing economic growth, poverty and tradition still persist in the rural areas.  The story of Lakshmi shows just how far India has come, but also just how divided it is.  The great father of the Indian nation, Mahatma Gandhi, never wanted to see an Industrialized India, but hoped for a self-sufficient country.  I wonder what the great Mahatma would have thought of both Lakshmi and of modern India…

Women are Perfect...

Almost 6 months ago my little daughter, Neyla, was born.  We had decided to find out early whether it would be a boy or a girl and of course it was a girl.  My wife was “secretly” hoping for a girl, but I wasn’t sure.  I didn’t really care, it’s that old cliché that as long as they have 10 fingers and 10 toes I’d be happy, but when I found out it was a girl that really made me think. 

I thought about what it meant to have a daughter and to be a good father to her.  I wondered what it would be like for a girl to grow up in the early 21^st century.  And I was thankful that as a woman she would be growing up when and where she was. 

Throughout history no group has been treated with more disrespect and inequality than women.  They make up roughly half of the world’s population, always have and always will, yet until the last century they were not allowed to vote, own property, hold office or inherit wealth in most parts of the world.  Until recently a woman only had four roles that mattered; daughter, sister, wife and mother.  Not to say that those are four unimportant roles, but to be strictly limited to that by society is stifling at best.  The progress attained by and for women over the last century has been astounding, but more is still to be done. 

Only a generation or two ago very little was expected of a woman outside of the limitations of the aforementioned 4 roles even after much legal and political equality had been attained.  Women were not necessarily expected to go to college or earn a descent wage, much of that was implicitly still left up to men.  The rub here is that as more and more equality has been achieved, the expectations upon women have increased exponentially and this has always made me concerned for my female students and now I share that concern for my daughter as she grows older. 

Young women are now still expected to be exceptional at those 4 roles (I’d argue much more than men), but now you can add to those already sky high requirements the high expectations to be exceptional students, have a certain body type, graduate from a great college, have an outstanding job and provide for their families.  The irony of this is that while equality for women has increased over the past century, the expectations upon women have only gotten greater and weigh women down more, all while the expectations upon men have changed very little.  Heart disease among women is at an all time high.  Eating disorders and depression are higher than ever amongst young women and in my opinion these can be traced directly to these added expectations. 

The truly amazing aspect of all of this is that while the weight bared by women has increased so greatly, they outperform men academically, graduate more often from college and on average have greater professional success quicker.  Again an appalling irony exists here in that women are still paid 33% less than a man for similar jobs. 

Men are all too ignorant to the situation of women in our current American society.  Typically men just see women as having achieved total equality, and although there is some truth to that, men do not see the added pressure, but even add to it with their inability to respect women in the professional and personal realm. 

I am not arguing that all men are disrespectful towards women, but all too many objectify women in their personal relationships and the statistics on pornography are truly disturbing in that this industry is responsible for more objectification of women than any other industry in the world. 

When will women truly attain equality in our society?  This won’t happen until we all realize that we are not there yet and that women are truly remarkable in ability to balance all of these weighing expectations that American society has placed upon them.  Then and only then will I feel truly secure in “letting go” of my daughter.  I feel like it is going to be so much work (in a good way) for my wife and I to raise our daughter with a less sense of weight and stress on her and more of a sense of personal identity and proud to be the woman that she is to be. 

I remember a line from one of my favorite films entitled, “With Honors.”  At one point Joe Pesci, who plays a homeless man living on the Harvard campus states, “Women are perfect… Don’t matter if they’re skinny, blond or blue.  If a woman is willing to give you her love it’s the greatest gift in the world.”  Women may not be perfect, but they certainly amaze me.  

Why I don't want to be successful...

It seems that our society is more stressed out, fearful and polarized than it ought to be.  Let’s be honest, there was no “good ol’ days.”  There was no time that was perfect or even that much better than our current time, but there was a time when it seems people appreciated the little things more and took more time to live.  Businesses used to be closed on Sundays, employers used to leave their employees alone at home and people were able to enjoy time away from work.  Today it seems that so many people are caught in jobs they do not enjoy with not enough time to create positive thriving relationships with those around them.  People are too busy and lose their perspective way too easily.  I know too many people who didn’t know quite what they were getting into when they accepted a job out of college and now they just can’t find a way to really do what they once wanted to. 

I see three main problems in America today.  First, many people are underemployed.  In other words, they take a job out of necessity that they are way over qualified for or can only find part time work when full time is desired.  Second, many people find jobs that pay an exorbitant amount of money and get trapped in a luxurious lifestyle that they can’t escape, despite their apathy toward their job.  Third, some people don’t care what the job is they just want a lot of money.  I know many who have to take a job to make ends meet, that’s not a bad thing, that’s a responsible thing, but when you chase a major in college or a particular career purely for the end of a high salary, that’s a problem. 

All three situations are all too prevalent in modern day America.  I would argue that these issues in our culture stem from 3 major problems in our society.

1.     The corporatization of our society.

2.     The love of money over people.

3.     Rugged individualism.

The corporatization of our society has occurred for several reasons, but the largest reason is that we are an incredibly consumeristic and materialistic society.  This comes from having a capitalist system that puts value on capital.  People implicitly start to value people based on what they’re worth or what they can do for them.  This has eroded the value we place on people intrinsically.  Furthermore, people used to have a blind trust in the government and while that has eroded due to Nixon and Vietnam, people have seemed to turn that blind trust over to corporations.  Consumers often turn a blind eye to who makes their products and under what conditions and focus on a cheap quality product rather than the ethics or morals behind it.  The markets reward corporations with investment without looking at how they provide for their employees.  Our society has turned away from government and social involvement and given our blind obedience to Nike, Starbucks, Gap and Apple.  The only positive in this is that some of these companies have been forced by a minority of consumers to think twice about how they treat their employees, give better benefits and support more altruistic charities. 

The love of money over people can be seen throughout our culture, in many “media” outlets, films, reality shows, certainly on Wall Street and even in too many Churches.  Much of this message is given to people, especially young kids, implicitly and skews our perspective in a way that puts value on things and not people.  In the inspiring book, “The Last Lecture” written by a cancer patient dying of cancer one of Randy Pausch’s dying lessons to his children was to value people over things.  Our culture emphasizes youth and vitality over wisdom and gravitas and therefore we see too much an emphasis on fashion, elective surgery and appearing a certain way.  All of these contribute to putting style over substance and this leads a society down a consumeristic road rather than one focused on those people within it.

Finally, rugged individualism.  Ayn Rand is one of the foremost philosophers on this, the irony is most Americans have never heard of her, but her cultural values are ingrained in our culture.  Study after study shows that amongst the developed nations of the Earth, America works the most hours, is least happy and has the smallest communal attitude.  In most of these studies there is a clear correlation between happiness, less work hours, more family time and a more communal society.  The Economist has run multiple articles on the new “science of happiness” and which countries are the happiest.  I, like many, am quite skeptical about scientifically determining happiness, but The Economists articles are quite convincing and well researched.  They find Scandinavian countries are the happiest and that the USA and ironically China are quite unhappy, despite China’s recent economic boom this has not correlated to happiness.  The problem being that as a society material success has been put ahead of leading a significant life that impacts others for the positive. 

In America today it is popular to make fun of Europeans, their governments and their lifestyle, but it seems to me they are light years ahead of our society that gives fewer holidays and no mandatory parental leave for new parents.  America is lacking on finding a work life balance and while the problems are clear to me, the solutions aren’t.  I laid out three problems above, but what sort of solutions are there?

To me the solutions are also threefold:

1.     Recreate our public education system from K-12.

2.     Emphasize living significant lives rather than successful lives.

3.     Stress a balance between individual rights and community goals. 

Within our education system we have all kinds of great schools and amazing teachers, but we also have unforgiveable inequality and complacency.  These are two major problems facing America today, but there is seeming little political or public will to change these.  First off, inequality.  Jonathon Kozol wrote an eye opening book entitled, Savage Inequalities, in 1991 where he pointed out cases of public schools within the same state that were quite different.  One school was dirty, worn down, crowded classrooms and ancient textbooks; while the other had state of the art technology, amazing cleanliness and plenty of room in class.  He wondered, as do I, how could this be in America today?  The answer of course is the way that we fund schools.  Typically it is done locally via property taxes, which sets up a grossly inequitable system.  The rich areas and neighborhoods have magnificent schools and the poor, well you get it.  We need to rethink the way that we fund schools, but also be willing to embrace dramatic new trends in education.  We have so many antiquated systems in our schools.  The way we grade, assign homework, have kids responding to bells, and more were set up for an agrarian and industrial society where children were either being prepared for the factory or the farm.  This is not the case anymore in modern America.  Our children need to be prepared for a small, global and highly technological world where quick and creative thinking will be valued.  Education funding and design must be rethought if America is to stay a world leader in the 21^st century.

All too often I believe we erroneously encourage our children to pursue success rather than leading significant lives.  This is not semantics.  Success is in pursuit of an individualistic or materialistic measureable goal.  The irony here is that the goal posts of success are always being moved by society and ourselves; therefore, it’s almost unattainable.  There’s never enough for a person driven by success.  There is always a faster car, bigger home or better job.  Significance on the other hand is totally about other people.  It is about using your gifts, talents and riches for the betterment of others.  You can do almost anything in a significant way in fact.  The point is not what you choose to major in or career path you choose, but it’s about why you have chosen that and what you intend to do.  People who chase success never find joy and contentment, but people who find significance are full of jubilation. 

Balance is key to these ideas truly taking hold in our country.  A balance needs to be struck between individual rights and truly valuing those in our community and country.  Our individual rights ought never be given up, but we also need to realize that I am not just an I, we are a we.  It’s not just about me, if it was the rest of you wouldn’t be here.  A fundamental assumption underlying all of this that is very difficult to refute is that we are social beings meant to live with one another.  Anything done alone is not nearly as sweet as sharing it with a loved family member or friend.  Therefore, we need to have value for each and every person and realize that not everyone is like me.  Our understanding of each other is critical for our society to continue this amazing experiment called America that no other people have ever endeavored upon.  America has always changed and will continue to evolve in time, but our society is all too angry, stressed, scared and polarized to keep this experiment alive. 

I think that being aware of the problems in our society is clearly first and foremost before we can solve them.  But every problem also comes with a solution.  They’re not always easy, but then again the things most worth anything in life aren’t easy.  

Colorado livin'...

As many of you may know, my wife, daughter and I recently moved to Copper Mountain, Colorado and that move was rather spontaneous.  We thought that someday we’d move out here, but never imagined it would be so soon and that we’d leave our beloved Chicago.  We hoped this would be a great place to raise our daughter with all of the outdoor activities and the more laid back culture.  So far, we absolutely love it.  The natural beauty of the mountains is breath taking.  The ability to get lost in nature either on a hike or while skiing is ever prevalent and it is a change we adore.  The people are incredibly warm and welcoming, where every time that I go running people I don’t even know wave and smile at me.  I know that’s a rather small gesture, but it’s a nice one.  We may still be in the honeymoon stage and who knows what the future will bring, but for now, our move to Colorado has been a positive change

. 

A few weeks ago the three of us went on a hike from Breckenridge and it was truly majestic.  When we hike with Neyla, we strap her onto my by using a Bjorn and she loves it.  Usually she’ll sleep, but when she doesn’t she sings.  It’s really hilarious; she will just stare at the nature around us and starting inaudibly singing.  She loves being outside as do my wife and I.  On this particular hike all three of us were truly mesmerized by the nature and solitude around us.  I had never experienced anything like it and it made me understand the 19^th Century Romantics much better.  It reminded me of a quote I saw here not too long ago, “I’d rather be outdoors thinking about God in creation, than in a building locked away from it.”  It’s so true, the miraculous nature of the mountains truly does inspire one to think about God and the world in different ways. 

We have this image of Neyla growing up hiking, horseback riding, golfing and skiing; and not playing video games and texting her life away.  We hope she is as inspired by the creation around us as we are.  This may be really naive, only time will tell, but we feel it will be much easier to balance technology in our lives living here with this sort of culture.  

Yesterday Colorado voted to legalize marijuana in our state.  Many people would argue and have argued that this has made Colorado a worse place to raise children.  I disagree.  I don’t smoke marijuana, never have and probably never will, but this shows the progressive nature of our state.  It makes an amazing amount of political and economic sense to do this.  The amount of money our state wastes on arresting and prosecuting people who smoke a plant that is less harmful and dangerous than alcohol and tobacco makes no sense.  Furthermore, the black market for this drug has empowered terrorists all over the globe and allowed drug cartels in Mexico to wreak havoc south of the border and in many border states.  In no way do I support the legalization of other illegal drugs, but it is finally time that we rethink our broken policy on drugs in America and the consequences of those policies. 

I know that raising a child is never easy and there will continually be challenges, but we love this challenge so much and we love Neyla.  We made a difficult decision to move to Colorado, but we believe that this opportunity came up for a reason and we can’t wait to find out what it is.  

Election Day

Election day is finally here.  It is always an exciting day to see who will lead our country for the next four years.  I definitely have a preference this election, but I am not one of those people who think that I have to leave the country if the other candidate is elected.  This appears to be an incredibly close election, but from recent polling it seems that the President has a slight edge, but stranger things have happened. 

Personally I can’t wait for it to be over.  The ads alone in Colorado are so full of half-truths and misleading information, and since our state is up for grabs these ads have been extremely prevalent.  I can’t handle the coverage of this election.  It seems that we have lowered the intellectual bar and dismissed truth and embraced simplistic thinking about nuanced and difficult issues.  Everyone seems to have an opinion, but the lack of factual based evidence is sad.  It happens on both sides, but the partisanship in this country is more vitriol and prevalent than ever.   

The solution?  Public campaigns and abolishing the Electoral College.  I believe these two changes in America would help rid us of the negative ads, allow Congress to govern and give voters more choices when electing their governing officials. 

What do you think solutions could be?

One more day...

One day left until the election…  My prediction is that the President will be re-elected.  It seems polls have him up in Ohio, Iowa and Colorado right now.  Granted that those polls are really close, and they are just polls, but this seems to have the feel of re-election to me.  Of course, I did vote for the President, but I really do think we are headed for four more years. 

I know there are many people around the country that will not be happy about this.  There are all kinds of irrational persons who think that President Obama is a socialist, a Muslim extremist, or not even American; however, there is no evidence for any of these claims.  I see the President as a dedicated and smart individual to the betterment of all Americans, especially those who struggle the most. 

My hope is that the President will be able unite Americans in a way that hasn’t happened since the horrible terror attacks of 9-11.  I remember how united we were and how politics went by the wayside, and for a short time a horrific tragedy seemed to unite America and the world in a way that has not been seen in so long.  Sadly, that is gone and the political partisanship and disrespect has replaced any sense of unity.  It is sad that we can’t get along and compromise as Americans and realize that there are media entities on both ends of the spectrum that are self interested and manipulating for their own gains.  I hope American citizens will long for truth, compromise and understanding so we can move our country forward and not sink deeper in conspiracy theory and disunity.